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10:50am 08/06/2006
mood: peaceful
Met this really cool girl at work named Natasha. She has a 3 year old who is so adorable. We started hanging out and talking on the phone.  I have a new friend yeah!. We went to go feed the ducks last night but got scared of the big ones so we had to leave.  I tried Culvers icecream again after going the day before and chatted with my coworkers. It seems like since i started working there i am so much happier! Life is just so much more tolerable. I am doing really actually. I have been keeping in close contact with my friends... pretty much all of them. It's nice, like a peace that i am finally reaching. Did i mention i love Imogen Heap. Their music is so beautiful and touching. My cousin is getting married next week and i will hanging out with dad and my brother that whole weekend, but i might be able to go to the New Berlin Fair on Friday night but i don't know. All i know now is that Natasha needs a bathing suit and we are headed of sometime maybe to get one. She also has a pool!! YEAH!! She only lives like 2 streets down. How sweet is that? Well i guess i should head off and cook some lunch!
03:31pm 16/05/2006


 Today i had a revelation... no silly.. i actually had plans..hehe. Anyway, Mariya and I went road tripping to Starbucks. We arrived thirsty with high ambitions of snagging the comfy chairs in the corner. We sat comfortably and chatted about good old times.  Then we took pictures to remember the enchanted evening. LOL..I couldn't work the self-timer so the pictures are a little weird. We have also made plans for other days. We made a list of things to do that actually involve us getting out of our house. We are quite excited. Now i leave you with these fun pics. I am sure we will take ones later on our crazy adventures.



We are adorable!

If you feel that these pics are too hott to be on livejournal please say so. I don't want to cause any future troubles. HEHE.. i hope i satisfied you mariya..was this update good enough?

06:00pm 29/12/2005

A little out the ordinary, Mariya and I visited the Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum.  Our orginal plan, my idea with little research, was to attend the exhibit as tourists from Augusta, Maine.  After googling, i discovered very little useless facts, including the weather, population, literacy, and land mass.  We left around 1, not really sure how to get to the parking garage.  Pulling in, we scored a front row seat.  I took the first picture below in the garage asking Mariya out loud, " How do you like Illinois?" 

On entering the massive building we noticed lots of people, and very little room.  In the gallery we were overwhelmed by numerous exhibits.  In attempt to take a picture with life size manicans of Lincoln's family, Mariay and i waited trying to find somebody trustworthy enough to take a picture with my camera.  We ultimetely failed and continued on to the Log cabin.  We suprisingly remembered most of our countries history and were very impressed with the displays.  It was crowded but nice. 

I had to take a picture of the mock miniature white house.  We commented on Mary's apparrel and stared in bewilderment of the crooked pictures of political cartoons.  As we continued we watched an extrememly long 4 minute video of the north vs. the south in the Civil War.  As we continued the displays became more depressing.  The end led us into a large room with Lincoln's coffin the middle with curtains all around. 

We decided to watch the 3d Ghost of the Library show.  I was shocked, amazed and entertained.  I can't even describe in words the allusions it showed.  The entire audience was in an up roar after it ended.  We stopped by the gift shop afterwards and i bought a lincoln head grabber and a long pencil. 

Mariya accompanied me as i nervously bought handcuffs for Paul for his birthday.  I was so hesistant but she was persistant.  I can't wait to give them to him.  Click on the link to look at the pics of our adventures.

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11:18am 27/12/2005

Finally i have decided to update.. i don't even know what to say.. i have a new boyfriend who i love dearly but my parents have filed for divorce. I try to find stuff to entertain myself to get my mind of shit.. so i really don't feel like writing alot so i am going to post pics.. i thought that would be nice!





09:26am 23/11/2005
mood: content
so i haven't updated in a while okay for a long while. I just haven't had anything to say. I mean nothing i want to say. Life is just life. No matter the obstacles i still persevere through it. I took one step foward by talking to somebody. I have my first appointment on tuesday when i get back from break. never thought i would do it, but it was getting to hard. I learned you don't have to be a pyshco to go to therapy. I am counting on these sessions to help relieve old feelings. Most of my hurt doesn't even involve guys. Funny huh! Anyway i am home from break, and i will be until sunday. I had a wonderful time in chicago with Mary my really good friend. We have gotten so close over the past couple of weeks people call us M & M. We spend every waking hour together, even sleep hours, my bad. We are so alike its not even funny. Don't think that i haven't stopped loving my roomate because i don't.. I love her with my all heart. She will always be in my heart. I just made room for more. I miss everybody already, and i am so ready to go back to mac. I do look foward to though seeing my friends from home, but i just can't stay away from my family in jacksonville. Well go to go. i am all teared eyed..
03:07pm 29/10/2005
  I have come to the realization that things usually don't work out the way i want them too. Using my wonderful mathematical skills i have determined that i am in the whole -4. I know that seems very drastic but i think i can manage to hopefully bring myself up to at least a -2. I am not even going to try to get even. Some things bring me down, but others just upset me. I try to stay positive but its seems as if something is missing in my life. I can't figure out how to fill the void. Maybe the void is just filled and i want to supersaturate it. Who knows? Maybe i just need some time. I don't know.  
04:39pm 23/10/2005
  I have been really tired lately, and i wonder why. It comes in spurts like all of the sudden i feel like i am going to fall over. I don't cough as much anymore and i can breathe. I think the only thing that sucks is that i can't do anything physical for a month. I do get alot of sympathy and I do have an excuse to be lazy. I have horrible headaches but that i will live with. I have this problem with forgetfullness so i hope that i remember to take my medication. My friends have been really supportive. I love them. Josh, so far seems to be taking it very well. It's not the end of the world, it just is a small bump in the road of life. Construction always takes time anyway. Leave me a feel better message because you know you wanna.  
11:03pm 20/10/2005
mood: content
I felt like talking today.
I felt like writing this poem.
As i listened to this song,
i thought about the people i love
the people i adore, the people i would die for,
the people who make my life complete.

I know this might sound funny,
but i don't give a shit.
I care enough to shout it out.
I love you.

If you read this you know, i love you.
You know i spent a good majority of my time thinking about you.
You know and that makes you special.

This is a once in a life-time deal.
Take this oppurtunity to think about who you would die for.
Write it down.

Here it goes.

I would give my life up for my roomate jessica. I would walk in front a bus for my best friend from home Mariya. I would risk my life for my new cutie josh. There is so many more...but for now you must do the same.
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07:30pm 18/10/2005


COME ON!.. He's a hottie!


03:15pm 18/10/2005
  Okay well i haven't update lately. Everything is cool. Josh and I are back. I don't feel like talking becuase i have a paper to right. Just leave me some love.  
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01:43pm 10/10/2005
  So alot has happened to me the last week. I fell for a guy, he screwed me over and left me a mess. That was yesterday. Today is so much better. It's a life lesson. I think i might take a break from guys. If anybody is adding that makes number 4. I hope their is enough guys left by second semester. Oh well, i love my girls and they have helped me through alot of crap. There are probably alot of people out there going through the same shit, so i got to stop feeling bad for myself. I want to look a more positive side to this story. ONLY GO FOR GUYS WITHOUT GIRLFRIENDS.  
01:04pm 01/10/2005
  I just want to say that i am feeling great. I needed time, and i got it. Last night for the first night i didn't cry. I attended a concert from 7 till 9, then poker from 11-4. I actually stayed in the game. I was so shocked. It was pretty fucking sweet when i knocked Nate out. Eric came back from the party and helped me out. I spent some time in his room talking, and he really helped me get over my sadness. I love that kid, he is so sweet. Everything seems to be okay right now, time willl tell, but as for now i am having a blast and thats all that matters  
12:08am 30/09/2005
  Tonight i cried for the third day in a row. Tonight, however, it ended. All my troubles should of been washed away with my tears, but sadly they haven't. It will take some time to get over what has happened. I know i will have alot of explaining to do in the future. I guess i am back in the dating world. For all you lucky gentlemen out there. HA!..I honestly don't know what to do. I just want to cry some more, but no tears will produce. I thought i really liked him, but its over and now i feel crushed, hurt beyond words. My friends have helped me so much, and i can't thank them enough. I want to take a walk but its too cold. I want to punch something, but i really like my hand too much to hurt it. I just want to feel different. Is this break up supposed to make me feel better? Maybe it will but as for now, i can't help but wallow. If anybody reads this tomorrow please just give me a hug. I would really appreciate it.  
02:22pm 26/09/2005
  I made a stupid mistake on Saturday night and i admit it. I can't, however, promise i won't ever make that mistake again. I promise though, i will take an alternative route, a less dangerous, less deadly journey. I had FUN, so there!  
12:16am 19/09/2005
  I guess i should update for all those fans of mine. I am juggling myspace, facebook, xanga and this livejournal. I am just giving a fair warning that i won't be updating alot. School is still pretty cool. I studied my ass off today and even went to a tutor tonight for math. I spent some time watching a movie with Nate, got a really awesome massage from Jessica, and even hung with my girls all day. Jeff had a pretty fly time. I am so fucking tired, i can't even think straight. I need sleep desperately. I have two test tomorrow one right after the other. I can't forget to mention two class periods right before that. Lately i have had this craving for a drink, a real drink with alcohol and everything. I almost starting smoking last night. I was so close that i could taste the smoke. I didn't get to bed until like 5 a.m. I spent a good majority hanging out with Eric and then with my cool R.A's and peer leader. I also don't want to disclude jessica, my awesome roomate. I probably should go to bed. Actually i am going to bed right now.  
04:31pm 09/09/2005


08:17pm 07/09/2005
  I have been pondering college life so far, and have come to the conclusion i never want to leave. I have never felt so loved and cherished. I feel appreciated, respected and dignified. I cleaned my room today and people stopped by constantly just to say hello. Jessica made a slideshow of the group JAMMBLE. It is really cool, with music in the background. I guess i am the photographer, well mostly because i have a digital. We have fun together and we have dance parties. I don't know how to express how much i am in love with my girls. Well i am going to explore this crazy place.  
04:03pm 06/09/2005
  I am sorry i haven't update lately. I have been really busy with school and Labor day weekend. I went with jessica to reynolds, illinois up by the Quad Cities. I finally visited Iowa. Anyway on Friday we saw this christian rock band Micheal W. Smith and on Saturday we saw Salvador. The concerts were pretty exciting and i enjoyed watching jess sign everything. We also went shopping on Sat, and i got some really cute clothes, actually very um not me, showy off clothing. On Sunday i went to jess's church, Heritage, a Weslyan demonination. People were dancing and clapping, singing their hearts out. I actually listened to the message and was very inspired. That night we went to Seek and Soak, an oppurtunity to get communion and praise the Lord. I sang and danced and just had fun. I know i am not that religious but i did learn alot from that weekend. We also saw a parade in Mylin, and got lots of candy. On Monday we came back so happy to see everybody.

That night Nate and I, along with Eric and Emily, and Brittany and Evan watched a movie in Evan's room. We didn't intend for it to be a couples things, but when people stopped by they just assumed. I felt bad because i felt like i had abandoned by friends. It wasn't intentional, but it did leave people out. I am sorry about that. Today i had classes, and actually got some studying done in the library. I figured out in one of my classes that i have 58 hours of the week left that i do nothing. I really do need a job or a hobby, either or. I hope this was efficient enough for you Mariya.

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11:56pm 27/08/2005
  I don't really know how to explain what a wonderful time i have been having these last couple of days. We have had many spontaneous movie nights in the lounge with our R.A. Megan is cool, and i love her. She really has helped me come out of my shell. She even took me to this dance club/bar on friday night. Her and the other cool R.A. Jackie let me borrow some sexy clothing. I was wearing a top that just tied in the back, with cleavage coming out, and a short OMG! you could see my ass skirt. Nate, the guy i am currently with, thought i looked hott, but he is so damn sweet that he thinks i look hott in pajamas. Jessica has been gone so Nate has kept me company. He always knows what to say, and how to say it. His touch creates a chill down my spine. It's kind of funny because we have only kissed, nothing more. I don't feel pressure.

Jeff if you are reading this don't let mom know about him. I am not ready for that yet. I think you should come up in early september. I already know people who think you are hott! I think you would have a good time, but i can't take you to any real parties. I can though invite you too like our usual movie/snack/game nights. The guys of the third floor probably would take you away thinking you are older, but i can't let you out of my sight, well just don't screw up. Just please keep Nate on the down low. Thanks.
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07:34am 23/08/2005
  Well its more like i just hooked up. wink wink. It's okay i am looking for fun not a relationship. I am seriously having the time of my life. I have liked slept little. I have been to walmart to many freaking times. Jeff might be coming over to stay and that would be cool. The guys are hott, the girls are even hotter. LOL. Look's like i will not be returning home for labor day. I am going to with jess to a religious fest up in the Quad cities. Well i got to party. Ha! I am already finished with my homework so i am just chillin while my friends are doing there's. lots of luvs.